Shadow work prompts are the ideal way to begin shadow work. When used as part of your journaling practice, they're powerful tools for growth and transformation.
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Working with "the shadow" through prompts can help us accept and acknowledge disowned feelings. By exploring the uncomfortable aspects of ourselves that our conscious mind finds too difficult to identify with, we can bring the shadow into the light, allowing us to live with more grace, compassion and authenticity.
There are many ways to do shadow work, but in this article we'll focus on using journal prompts.
The wound is the place where the light enters you.
Rumi
What Is Shadow Work?
Carl Jung described the shadow as "the unconscious, or disowned part of the personality." It's where beliefs that are too painful for the the psyche to bring into conscious awareness are stored.
Frequently these beliefs are rooted in childhood experiences, but they can also be formed at any point in life. Breakups, divorces and bereavements are examples of life experiences that might contribute to the formation of the shadow. Sometimes, they're simply parts of ourselves that we're ashamed of that remain buried in the unconscious until a specific trigger brings them to the surface.
Why Shadow Work Is Important
So, why do shadow work? The answer is that your shadow can impact your life and behaviors in profound ways. When triggered, it can manifest in ways that create chaos in your life. A few examples are:
- Rage (temper tantrums)
- Jealousy
- Self loathing and self esteem issues.
- Negative self talk
- Anxiety and depression
- Fears and phobias
- Addictions
- Avoidant behavior
To truly understand your shadow, it's important to note when you're triggered, and to ask yourself, "what am I feeling and why?"
Here's an example - Let's say that you don't hear back from a first date, and even though it was only one date, you spiral into negative self-talk, self loathing and depression. Before you act out, take a deep breath, stop, and notice that your shadow has emerged. Identify your emotional triggers and ask yourself, "are there any other times in my life that I've felt this way?"
Shadow work is ultimately about self discovery and acceptance. The most important aspect of this work is to completely accept all aspects of yourself, even the parts that might make you feel uncomfortable. Don't push you shadow away, or fight with it. Instead, simply observe it without judgement.
In the above example, you might note that abandonment is an issue that triggers your shadow. Observe yourself experiencing the feeling of abandonment without judgement or shame. You are simply the watcher. Now, spend a few moments identifying other times in your life when you've experienced a similar feeling. This is how to shine light onto the shadow, and integrate it lovingly into your personality.
Understanding The Shadow
Your shadow is not all negative. In fact, it's trying to protect you!
Each intent we hold has a positive and negative side. For instance, negative self talk might be the subconscious mind's way of protecting us from taking risks. Perhaps in the past, we took a risk and suffered a disappointing outcome. Negative self talk emerges in the shadow to protect us from suffering this disappointment again. Unfortunately, this primitive response doesn't serve us well today. Without taking risks, we'll lead a a limited life.
Shadow work pulls back the curtain on the suppressed and painful parts of ourselves, for the purpose of living a more whole and authentic life.
How To Use Shadow Prompts
Get a journal and a pen. Work your way through the shadow prompts, spending as much time as you need on each one. Don't attempt to write in full sentences, or use proper grammar (unless you want to). Just write freely, letting your thoughts and feelings pour onto the page. You might be surprised at what emerges.
If it helps, you might imagine your shadow sitting in a chair. Ask it why it's there, and how it's trying to help you. Ask it anything you'd like to know. The shadow prompts listed are only a guide. Remember to observe it without judgement. Write down any memories, or emotions that surface.
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
Carl Jung
Family Shadow Prompts
- Do you share similar traits to your parents or caregivers?
- How do you feel about this?
- Which traits would you like to emulate, and which traits would your prefer to disown? Why?
- Do any of your adult relationship partners have personality characteristics similar to those of your mother or father?
- If so, what are those characteristics?
- Why do you think you're attracted to these characteristics?
- How do you view your father?
- Is this how you view most men, or are there differences?
- How do you view your mother?
- Is this how you view most women,or are there differences?
- Fill in the blank: When I was upset, my mother would__________.
- As an adult, what self talk or behaviors do you engage in when you're upset?
- When upset, are you able to self sooth, or do you berate and ridicule yourself?
- Fill in the blank: When I was upset, my father would__________.
- As an adult, what self talk or behaviors do you engage in when you're upset?
- When upset, are you able to self sooth, or do you berate and ridicule yourself?
- Recall a childhood event that made you feel insecure.
- Why did you feel insecure?
- Do similar events make you feel insecure in your adult life?
The rewards are profound. Shadow-work enables us to alter our self-sabotaging behavior so that we can achieve a more self-directed life.
Connie Zweig
Relationship Shadow Prompts
- How did your last relationship end?
- How did you feel about the ending?
- What have you learned from the ending of your last relationship?
- In your last relationship, who gave more? You, or your partner? Or, was the relationship one of equal give and take?
- If you gave more, can you think of another time you gave more, despite noticing that your efforts weren't reciprocated? Why did you do this?
- If you gave less, can you think of another time you gave less, despite noticing your partner was more invested than you? Why did you do this?
- Do you have a "relationship type?" Are you continually attracted to the same types of people in your romantic relationships?
- If so, list the characteristics or physical attributes of the people you feel most attracted to.
- Can you think of other people in your past who had these same characteristics or attributes?
- How does conflict in romantic relationships make you feel?
- Does the chance to resolve conflict make you feel more connected to your partner?
- Do you feel that you'd do anything to avoid conflict of any kind? If so, why?
- How was conflict resolved in your family?
- Do you have a hard time forgiving people who have wronged you?
- Think of one person who you have had a hard time forgiving.
- List the things they've done that you are unable to forgive them for.
- Have the things they've done been done by other people in your past? If so, whom?
- Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable in relationships?
- Why or why not?
Self Esteem Shadow Prompts
- What emotions are you reluctant to show others?
- Why?
- Do you ever feel like a "fake" or an imposter?
- If so, in what specific situations do you feel this way?
- What makes you feel unsafe?
- Do you find it easy to forgive yourself?
- In which situations do you typically find it hardest to forgive yourself in?
- What's the most offensive thing someone could say about you?
- How would that make you feel, and why?
- What parts of yourself do you dislike?
- Do you have boundaries?
- If yes, how do you enforce your boundaries?
- If no, how could you work on setting boundaries that are healthy?
- What parts of yourself do you judge?
Final Thoughts
Shadow prompts can be powerful aids to living a more self-directed life. It takes time and hard work to integrate your shadow side, but your efforts will be rewarded. Many people report having better, more fulfilling relationships, finding purpose in their work and living with more ease. I hope your shadow work empowers you to have compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others, and to live life as your most authentic self.
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